Three Degrees
by UshiyamaMidori
Summary: Akihiko has to be strong, but Hamuko feels she needs to be weak. They're both aware of this, but things still happened. P3P AU - AkihikoxHamuko - Angst, Drama, Romance
1. His Story

Three Degrees

By Ushiyama Midori

_A Persona 3 Portable AU_

* * *

**His Story**

It was a cold night when Akihiko was on his way home to his apartment. He was carrying a paper bag filled with energizers and food supplements for his daily regimen. He wants to stay strong, not because he feels weak. But because he needs to be strong for someone who thinks she needs to weak.

Akihiko arrives in his apartment. "I'm home." He says loud enough so someone will hear. He heard a faint footsteps but someone's there. Finally, he heard a voice.

"Akihiko."

Akihiko looked at the girl in front of her, messy brunette hair but still a pretty face, just a little pale and thinner. Her red eyes that seem so low, but she's there. He smiled. But it was filled with pain.

"Hamuko" he said. "I'm home."

"Welcome back." Hamuko replied with a faint smile.

* * *

Akihiko woke up in the morning and looked beside his bed to see if his girl's still there. He's glad to know that she's still sleeping beside him. He hugged her tightly, because he doesn't know when she'll be lost to his arms. He doesn't know why he thought of this, but it's just a feeling he got. He was never sure but the feeling was always there. And it just hurts him too much.

"….." She woke up.

"Morning." Akihiko said while she's still in his arms. Hamuko just looked at him with a slight straight face, but he felt that she's empty. Hamuko was empty.

"Morning." She replied. Akihiko smiled anyway and rose up.

"What do you want to eat?" he asked

"Anything's fine." She replied in monotone.

"Then we'll have bacon." He said happily, but Hamuko just nod.

He rose up and changed his clothes and went straight to the kitchen. He cooked some bacon but they were all for Hamuko, he had his food supplements instead.

"Why aren't you eating?" she asked. Akihiko just looked at her. He smiled. "I'm in a hurry."

_It's a lie_, Akihiko thought.

He took his things and wore his shoes. He looked back to her, only to see that she was wearing an obvious worried look and speechless. He doesn't know what kind of reaction was that. He doesn't know if she's upset or sad, but it bothers him. It bothers him a lot that he turned back and lowered his head. He wasn't embarrassed, and he's not guilty as well. He just felt like doing it. For him, it's a reply to her reaction.

He stood up straight. He wanted to look back again, but he couldn't bring himself to do so.

"I'll be leaving now." He said and stood there for a second. He was waiting for a reply. But he can imagine her still looking at him with that reaction, and he couldn't bear to see it. He left.

* * *

Akihiko wasn't feeling good, not physically, but emotionally. His colleagues from work told him to take a rest, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. But he left early, and went for a little drink. There's this place that Akihiko always hang out with, in where his old friend works.

_Cling_, the sound of bells as he entered the door. He was greeted by a guy who's working as a bar server.

"`sup Akihiko."

"Junpei." He replied and smiled a little.

"Same reason, huh" he said, and Akihiko just looked at him, smiled faintly. Junpei understood.

"Have a drink."

Junpei knows what Akihiko's usual order, so he gave them to him and took a sip.

"So, what now?" Junpei asked. Akihiko was holding his cup and stared at it.

Akihiko did not responded and it was getting awkward for Junpei. He thought that he needs to say something, but he just doesn't know how to start it.

"Seriously, why don't you guys just break up? It's not working for you two" Junpei finally said. Akihiko looked at him and smiled.

"I know she's currently depressed right now. I know she wants to end everything right now. I know that so much that I don't know what to do. I know that she knows that I know, too. We're both aware of it. But I don't know what to do. I wanted to be with her, but she's building a wall between us. I wanted save her. But I don't know… I just don't know." Akihiko said in despond. "But I'm not enough for her… I wasn't enough." He sobbed.

* * *

He opened the door of his apartment and took off his shoes.

"I'm home." He said aloud, waiting to be heard and replied. But there wasn't any reply. He hangs his coat and walked a little and said it again. Still no reply. He went to the living room, no one's there. He checked the bedroom, it was empty. Last thing was the bathroom, still empty. He started panicking and took his coat, about to leave. Until he heard a click. He checked the doorway, and someone's there. It was her.

She was wearing a scarf, and a coat, still had a messy hair, but she still looks pretty, despite that she's pale. She was carrying a plastic bag filled with instant noodles.

"Hamuko…" he said in a worried tone. She looked at him, a little surprised.

"Aki—"Akihiko suddenly hugged her. She dropped her plastic bag and stood still, she was surprised. He was hugging her tight. He doesn't want to let her go. He feels that if he let her go, she'll disappear. And he doesn't want that. He's too scared for that. And she felt it. She felt what Akihiko wanted to say. But she just stood there, and let Akihiko feel her. She didn't return his embrace, and he finally let go. He was looking at her, worriedly. She was looking at him, and she smiled. She took the plastic bag and walks past him but he grabbed her hand. He looked at her, he was begging for her to stay. Even though they're inside their house, he wanted her to stay for a little while. She yanked her hand but not too strong, and went to the bedroom.

Akihiko looked dejected. He looked at his hand and grasped it.

_I shouldn't have let go._

He just stood there, and sobbed.

* * *

He finally reached home and did his usual routine.

"I'm home." Said aloud, and there was no reply. He looked around and saw her in the kitchen, sitting on the chair and laid her head on the table. He sits beside her and imitated her. "I'm home" he said softly and smiled. She just looked at him.

"Akihiko?" she said in a whisper.

"Yes?" he asked. She was quiet for a second.

"I love you." She said. Akihiko smiled warmly.

"I know."

"Do you love me?" she asked

"Yes"

"Please tell me." She begged, and he closed his eyes and smiled.

"I love you."

She was quiet for a little while. Akihiko opened his eyes, still smiling. She's still looking at him, wanting to cry.

"I love you so much." She said.

"I know."

"I really… love you so much." She stuttered.

"Yes, I do too."

"I… I love you so much…" again, she started sobbing.

Underneath the table, their hands touch. He crossed his fingers over hers and she crosses too. She repeatedly says that she loves him and continues to sob. Akihiko smiled and shed a tear.

* * *

Few days after the silent breakdown, for which Akihiko thought, he decided to give her some time alone. He didn't really understand why she cried when she said that she loves him. Although he was very happy to hear her finally said that again, he was also hurt. The feeling was so honest and sincere, yet there was pain in her words. And it pains him as well. He wanted to understand her, but the wall was too big. It was getting bigger and wider and he's scared he won't be able to reach back to her anymore. He's scared.

Shortly after that, he decided to go back home. He opened the door and said "I'm Home." But no one replied. The apartment was dark, all lights were closed. He checked his bedroom, and he saw her there. She was lying on the ground, unconscious.

"Hamuko!" he wailed.

He held her body and checked her pulse. It was weak. He looked around and he saw pills scattered on the floor. Horrified at what he saw, his fear of her doing it really happened. He carried her body and immediately brought her to the nearest hospital.

"Please someone help!" he begged. "Save her!"

"We'll take care of her from here on." The doctor said.

"You have to make sure she'll be alright, please…" he was shivering. He was terrified of losing her.

"She'll be okay." The doctor assured him.

After that, the doctor finally left and went to ICU. Akihiko was left alone, standing, and thinking a lot of things of what will happen to her. He wanted her to live. But she chooses to end it. He wanted to save her, but she's running away from him. He wanted to be with her, but she's closing him away. He cried in silence.

* * *

The doctor assured Akihiko that she's already safe and he can visit her anytime. He didn't think anymore and just went straight to her room. The moment he entered her room, she saw her awake and looking afar. He sits beside the bed and held her hand.

"Hamuko…" he said in a sad voice. "Why?" a word that questions everything that just happened between them. She only looked at him with an empty reaction. Akihiko was pained.

"Why?" he asked again, he held her hand tighter this time. "Why did you do this?" she only looked at him.

"Am I not enough?" she reacted. "Am I not enough to save you?" he said in distress. She was surprised at what he said, she knows this. They both know about this, but she didn't talk. She cried.

-End-

* * *

Hi guise ;u; Happy new Years! ;u; just so you know, I seriously kinda… well did this in a rush cuz I really want to publish this just before the year ends and yes, I finally did. In a cliffhanger…? Oh well this is just a part one anyway. The last chapter will be Hamuko's POV but in third POV. I know it has a lot of holes but ahhhhhhh I'm not good at this okay. I just want to make a written version of what I imagined cuz I really cried when I was imagining it. It's amazing how stories suddenly pops up in our head but we don't know how to put them in order. And that's my problem, which is why I rarely make fanfics or stories cuz I seriously have a lot of stories in mind but the problem is how I'll put them in sequence. And I know the words I used are too common and believe me, I'm trying to find a word that will make the story more sad but I'm out of words. I even google some of them to make sure if I'm using the right word.

Oh and idk if you noticed but I always mention Hamuko here in third person, idk why I did that but I just felt like I want to make it a little.. well.. give some mystery. But seriously idk why.

And obviously, the story is angst. All I want to do in this story is for Akihiko feel helpless about his suicidal girlfriend. And don't worry, if ever you're disappointed, I'm also disappointed in MY OWN FANFIC but oh well I tried okay.

And lastly, why **Three Degrees**. Simple, just replace degrees into "reasons" so it'll be Three reasons. _But where's the reasons there?_ I'm sorry dear but you'll have to find out. :3 Don't worry, it's there. Vaguely. I originally got the idea from the song **Six Degrees of Separation** by The Script and I just love the song :3 it's kinda sad. And while I was imagining this story, I originally had the reasons pinpointed but then as I arrived home, the reason was gone. But good thing I was able to replace it. I only remember the three reason's of Hamuko's side and only one reason for Akihiko so.. I have to make the other two.

Well then, that's it I guess. I hope you like it even if you don't. and what's funny, is that I'm supposed to be doing my school homework ( cuz it's equivalent to our test ) but here I am, rushing this thing instead. Oh well. Thanks for reading ! :3

P.S

Hamuko's suppose to die but idk how to put it since I'm rushing things already =3= I like it whenever they die gehehehe it hurts


	2. Her Story

Three Degrees

Chapter 2

Hey guise, so this story will be the POV of Hamuko but in third person. And like on what I did on Akihiko's story, I'll mention him in third person. So, I hope you'll enjoy this last chapter (or not) but oh well :3

Here it goes.

* * *

**Her Story**

Hamuko has no idea what's going on outside the apartment. She's been locking herself alone in the room. She's not entirely alone though, she lives with her fiancé, Akihiko. They've been together for five years. They both know what's wrong with each other and they're both honest with it.

Hamuko has issues about herself. Like her depression then later becomes a suicidal feeling. That's right. She's in a suicidal state. She slowly starved herself, had insomnia, and drinks pills one at a time, still hoping to be saved. And he knows about this. She's aware of how he tries to be there for her and all. She knows that he thinks he's not enough for her. And this hurts her. But it wasn't his fault. It was her. It was all about her. She hated herself. And he knows about this as well.

She heard a faint footstep outside the apartment. Someone just came in.

"I'm home." It was said aloud, she knows that he does that so she'll hear. She went out of her room and walked towards the living room. She doesn't want to, but she feels like she has to. For him.

"Akihiko" she said, in monotone. Akihiko smiled, and she knows it's filled with pain.

"Hamuko, I'm home." He said again, he wanted her to reply.

"Welcome back" she smiled faintly.

* * *

Hamuko was having a hard time sleeping, but she saw how peaceful he was sleeping. She wanted to hold his face and feel him, she doesn't know why, but she wavers. She has no idea why she suddenly stopped, it just suddenly hurt her.

She looked at him the whole night sleeping. She smiled. She was looking at him too long that she didn't realize it's already morning. She felt that he's going to wake up soon so she pretended she was sleeping.

She later felt she was being hugged by him, and it was tight. She knows what he wanted to say, but it can't help her but feel the pain of doing so. She pretended she woke up.

"Morning." He said, waking up in his arms. She looked at him with a straight face, she's losing herself.

"Morning." She manages to reply. He only smiled and rose up.

"What do you want to eat today?"

"Anything's fine."

"Then we'll have bacon, okay?" he said happily and she just nodded.

He stood up and changed his clothes and went straight to the kitchen. She followed him and sits in the table, because she feels like she has to. He finally finished cooking the bacon and it does smell good. He prepared the food in the table and placed it in front of her. She noticed that he's not eating anything except for his food supplements.

"Why aren't you eating?" she asked, he only looked at her and smiled.

"I'm in a hurry."

_It's a lie._ Hamuko thought. _Why are you lying to me?_

He left the kitchen and took his things and wore his shoes. She didn't mean to, but she was really upset why he lied to her. She just reacted to his lie.

While he's preparing, she only looked at him with surprised, unbelievable look. He didn't look back.

"I'll be leaving now." He said, stood there a little and left.

Hamuko continuously stare at the doorway, trying to put the image of his back on her brain. She lowered her head.

"Take care…"

* * *

She couldn't help but think about he lied. She knows it's only a normal lie like what normal people do, but it's a big deal for her. She wanted him to be okay, but she knows that as long as she stays like that, he wouldn't be okay. He loves her so much and she feels that love, because she loves him as much as he does too. But things aren't working out for her, not for the both of them.

She wanted to go out for a while. She wanted to see the city for a while. Because she now knows what she wants to do. She'll do it. She's selfish after all.

* * *

It's been a long while since she last went out, because he usually just buy and leave things for her instead. He wasn't pampering him, he just thought that she prefers to be that way and he's happy if she'll be happy.

But as far as she wanted to look around the whole city, she can't. Her anxiety's eating her. She wants to go back home and decided to only stop by at the nearby store and go back home.

The night was chilly, the sky was so vast, and it doesn't have any stars. She was saddened by this, because she really loved stars. Because it reminds her of him.

"I wanted to see one though…" she said in disappointment.

She arrived home and opened the door but was surprised when she saw him looked terrified.

"Hamuko…" he said worriedly.

"Aki—"he suddenly hugged her and her groceries dropped. He was hugging her tightly and felt his heartbeat. He was scared. He was scared that she might lose her and she understands this.

She was looking at the ceiling, realizing how tall he actually was. She started to think,

_I wanted you to be happy… _she thought. _It hurts_

She closed her eyes, she shed a tear. She doesn't want him to know she's crying deeply inside. She wanted to feel him. She didn't return his hug, but it was painful. He let go of her and she smiled. She took her things and she's going back to her room. But he grasped her hand.

_I have to_

She yanked her hand and went straight to the bedroom.

"I'm sorry." She said, she kneeled and lowered her head, covering her face with her hand and she started to cry. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

Hamuko went out of the room and looked at the clock. She realized she have a lot of time to spare. She went to the dining and sits there. She placed her head and just stayed there. She doesn't know what she's doing.

_It'll end anyway, so it's okay_

She sat the whole time, thinking of nothing. She's becoming emptier as time goes on.

She heard a click, and she knows it's him.

"I'm home"

She didn't bother replying. She knows what she's going to do. She wanted him to know how she really felt. He reached the dining and imitated her.

"I'm home." He said again, this time, it was softly and she can feel the gentleness. She looked at him, she wanted to kiss him, but she also doesn't want to. She want to leave things be.

"Akihiko?" in a whisper

"Yes?" he said, the gentleness was this there. He's still smiling. She was quiet for a while. She wanted to remember how close he is to her. She loves him.

"I love you", this surprised him a little, but he smiled.

"I know" he replied. And she knows this too. They're aware of how much they love each other, but she still wanted to say it.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes" his voice was gentle. She wanted to hear more.

"Please tell me." She begged and he closed his eyes and smiled.

"I love you." She was quiet for a while, he opened his eyes and they're looking at him other. Her eyes winced, she's about to cry.

"I love you so much."

"I know." He's still smiling, but this time, she felt the pain. The sadness.

"I really…" she faltered. "love you so much."

"Yes, I do too."

She can't stop it, she started to cry. "I love you so much…"

Underneath the table, she felt his hands crossing hers. She wanted to feel his hand and replied back. She repeatedly says that she loves him and so does he. He smiled, though it was filled with sadness, it was still warm. He cried.

They were both crying.

* * *

Hamuko and he had distanced their selves ever since the silent breakdown. And this is good for her. She'll be able to do it today.

She took off a plastic bag filled with groceries, and one of them was filled with pills.

"I'm sorry, Akihiko."

She opened the pills and put some on her palm.

"I love you."

She took them in, a lot of them. She's ending herself.

* * *

Hamuko had no idea what happened after she took the pills. But she's alive. She can hear her heartbeat in a quiet room, in the hospital. She heard a voice outside, it's him. Right after that, he went inside.

"Hamuko…" he said in a sad voice. He sat beside her bed and lowered his head.

"Why?" he asked. It was all he could ever ask. _Why_ and she knows why. She wanted to answer, but her head's too messy. She wanted to realize she's herself.

"Why?" he asked again, holding her hand tighter. "Why did you do this?" she only looked at him.

"Am I not enough?" he asked, she was surprised. "Am I not enough to save you?" he said. Her feelings came back rushing through her. She hurt not only herself, but him as well. She knows this very much, and she's sure he does too. She doesn't know what to say. She didn't talk. Because they both know anyway. She cried.

-End-

* * *

Okay guise so that's it. This is it for this fanfic. I know it sucks. Yeah, sucks to be me. /sobs. Thanks for reading tho if you did. Please do review if you have some comments and stuffs. I want to know my flaws ;u; As for the reasons, i hope you find them! :3 they're altogether anyway and they keep repeating it so,... yeah. :3 good luck

Happy new years everyone! :3

( P3P DOES NOT BELONG TO ME, ATLUS DOES )


End file.
